but then i know i’ll be miserable..misery loves company.
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today, i made the hardest decision i’ve ever had to make..after 6 on and off (mostly on) years, i’ve cut my ties - and usually i will fall back and be with him. i came to a conclusion, that i wanna be happy, and i rather be some what happy alone then unfaithful and be called a cheater. i currently do not have any guys in mind to talk to, and i certainly don’t have a plan B; i’m now single! and alone, as of tonight i will have a long night, and i’m starting my new job and i won’t be able to sleep - i’ll be crying my brains out listening to depressing country music to make me feel better. there’s a song by Rascal Flatts “Come Wake Me Up" and that will be my motto song for a couple of nights, maybe months.
" Tonight your memory burns like a fire. With every one it grows higher and higher. I can’t get over it, I just can’t put out this love."
deep down, i want to be with him and love him and cherish him. but in order to be stronger i told him “maybe time apart will make us stronger and realize that we need each other” he hates me, and i know he hates me right now..but i read in a magazine that Miley Cyrus
(who i’m not a fan of) and Liam Hemsworth broke up for about a year and decided to get back together and now they’re engaged! i’m so happy for them and it gave me hope, that’s what i thought would happen to me and my (ex).
i think about how happy we used to be, but when we fight - we don’t back down, we say things that we don’t mean, and he spoke about going into the service; i never stopped him or tried to stop him from doing anything he wanted to, but i just don’t want him to think in the long run of his life “Krystal held me back”. to top it all off, were already a million miles away and him going into the service would just leave me to the morgue itself. i love him still and i always will. i’m going to admit, tomorrow not texting him, talking to him it’s going to be the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do; it kills me because we spoke about our future together, as young as i am and he is, he was my best friend, i spoke to him about everything, he was my therapy, he made me happy, he made me smile; and now its just
gone. and it’s not like i can still talk to him, because he told me if we were just gonna be friends - he was going to leave..he’s gone like the wind.
i don’t know if i made the right decision, but at that moment i had no choice..we will see, it’s going to be hard, i wish i was cold as stone. so that way i won’t feel a thing..
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i seriously can’t keep up a good fitness plan, i feel that there is never enough time in a day - and working just takes over everything..i came to a conclusion, working out will never fit in my schedule..i think of reasons as to why i should lose weight and stick to it, but then i have no idea what takes over. i don’t eat junk food, like chips, cheeseburgers, or any junk food. i mean today i was good, i had a plain bagel with cream cheese for breakfast, a foot long subway sandwich with turkey, lettuce, tomato, olives, and ranch dressing, and for dinner hot dog - i don’t even snack between meals, but today what really suprised me was in Gap clothing, i’m usually a 10-12 in pants, and i fit in a 8? like i seriously thought it was a joke maybe it was just the material or style of the pants. if you look at me i don’t look 164 pounds at all, i’m about 5-5’1 and my doctor said i’m over-weright, but i swear it’s just in the abdominals, but i guess you can see it a little in my face, arms, and legs? my cousin says i have a lot of muscle in my thighs, but whatever. when you look at my stomach that’s when you know
“oh gosh, she is fat..” plus having a big chest doesn’t help at all.
and i have never told anyone how much i weigh, i guess it’s cause numbers just scare me. i would like to be fit, and sometimes i think i feel fine, usually when i’m dressed nice which is always, but i look in my closet - and half the things i own, my friends say they look great, and fine on me, but i don’t feel fine at all. this is suppose to be my personal blog, but i guess i’ve turned it to a weight loss blog sorta? oh well, night! xo
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I’ve been really wanting a tattoo - something small and simple nothing drastic and big! that will catch everyone’s attention, somethingsimple and cute. BUT! my hurt tolerance is very, very high! if any of my follower’s or anybody who have a tattoo(s) - please share your experience!
first time tattoo getter :)
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